A Menage Made On Madison [The Federation 1] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) Read online

After sixty annals with Knox, it was safe to say she was in love. And even though she’d spent less time with Rafer, her feelings were just as powerful for Knox’s twin. Love was waiting to blossom, to flourish once he accepted it and her.

  Perhaps his coming here was a sign that he was finally ready to bind himself to her. Parker hoped so, in fact, she prayed that was the case.

  She pressed the button up to their floor and leaned back against the glass wall. Her eyes never left Rafer on the three-minute ride to the penthouse. She studied him, traced every inch of his face. Inside, she felt like exploding with the relief of having him here. Of being close to him. At last.

  She sucked in a breath as the lift came to a halt, and gently nudged the hover chair out and into the waiting area of their quarters. Her first instinct was to cross the salon and take him to their bedroom, but he was injured. The last thing he needed was to share a bed, and even though she wanted to share a mattress with him, there was nothing to say that he felt the same way.

  Pissed off but knowing it was the right decision to make, she flicked the chair in the direction of the guest suite. She shucked off her shoes, not wanting to taint the Brevian hemp carpet. It was a living, breathing entity, Brevian hemp. Almost like lining the floor with Earth grass. But to stand on it with heels was to cause it damage and, ultimately, pain. In her head, she always heard little moans of distress when she crossed the carpet, so she always removed her shoes, and vowed the next time they redecorated, she’d pick a different floor covering.

  As they breached the guest room’s door, Parker heard Knox call out from the salon. “Parker? What the hell’s going on? Are you okay, felixi?”

  A smile touched her lips at his concern. Even after six decades of it, she never got tired of being in his care.

  “I’m fine, honey. But Rafer isn’t,” she called out, popping her head ‘round the door rather than yelling from the bedroom and disturbing the sleeping twin.

  “Rafer?” Knox asked, scowling. “He’s here?”

  She nodded, then scowled back. “He doesn’t look too good, Knox. He’s been in the wars, that’s for damned sure.”

  Parker watched as Knox’s blue-tinged skin turned a faint shade of gray. A Shuzon suffering with extreme emotions could rarely hide it from the world around them. She never had to wonder if Knox was upset or happy. His skin told her.

  “What’s wrong with him?” he asked, striding forward and pushing past her to enter the room. He froze in his tracks when he took in the battered state of his brother. When his tongue started to click at a pace even her ULT couldn’t translate, she went over to him and pressed a hand to his back. His words woke up Rafer, though, who blinked blearily at the two of them. Then, he smiled, and Parker’s heart just melted.

  “What happened?” Knox demanded.

  “Now’s not the time, honey,” she inserted, but he ignored her.

  Stepping forward, leaning over the chair, he ordered, “Tell me what the olan happened to you?”

  “Griljerrd Barconians. Tried to stop them entering Federation airspace. They didn’t like their welcoming party.”

  “I thought they took you out of the fucking field, Rafer. That was the deal, remember? You weren’t to go to the front line anymore, dammit.”

  Parker frowned. What deal? What the hell kind of front line?

  As far as she’d known, Rafer was a merchant just like his family. But Barconians were enemies of the Federation, and the only way Rafer could have stopped them coming into Union territory was if he was up in the black soup, in one of the Black Star Federation Fleet ships.

  Only Black Star pilots could intercept peoples like Barconians, who had never actually made it into Union airspace.

  That meant what? Rafer and Knox had been lying to her for all the time they’d been together? Why the hell hadn’t they told her if Rafer was a soldier in the Fleet?

  Stomach churning, she whispered, “You’re a part of the Fleet?”

  Her words sank like stones through water into the room, swimming over Knox’s loud complaints, and drowning Rafer’s mumbles of response. They both looked at her, Knox turning around to stare at her, remorse in his eyes and in the faintly pink tinge of his skin.

  That alone gave her the answers she needed. “Why did you lie to me? And for so long? Didn’t you trust me?” she asked, stepping back when Knox made to move forward.

  He held out his hands, beseeching her to do only God knew what. “I know how you feel about the Fleet,” was all he said, though.

  The Fleet, the Federation’s armed forces, had been the ones to evacuate Earth and to ship its occupants all over the galaxy. While it was impractical to blame the Fleet, who were only acting under direct commands, many humans blamed them simply because of their cruelty when they’d been enacting their orders.

  Many humans had died in skirmishes with the Fleet, or had been tortured in concentration camps when they’d resisted evacuation.

  The Federation was not benevolent, no matter how many publicity drives tried to convince its population of the opposite.

  Considering her father had been one of the many to be sent to a camp and slaughtered, she had her reasons for hating the Fleet. But that didn’t mean the job made the man. “I could never hate Rafer,” she murmured, shaking her head at him, not understanding how he could even think that would ever be possible. The last thing she felt for Rafer was hate, and he’d effectively abandoned her the first time he’d slept with her, and had spent a lifetime ignoring her. “Why would you even think that?” she bit out, holding her own hands up, but in her case, rejecting, not beckoning him closer.

  Rafer’s slurred voice filtered through the chaos of her thoughts. “He was under orders not to share my position in the Fleet with anyone, Parker. My position was, is, classified.”

  “If it’s so classified,” she snapped, “then why the hell does Knox know? Surely it should be a secret from him?”

  Rafer snorted, the sound muffled by the silver gauze shielding half his face. “You know twinlings can’t keep things from each other. Nothing as intrinsic as a work position, anyway. Not even my parents are really aware of what I do—they just know I’m in the Fleet, and that my rank is classified. Knox knows some of it. He knows that I’m high up the ranks, but that’s it.”

  “I know not to ask too many questions,” Knox bit out, the bitterness in his tone surprising even her. “I also thought I could trust you when you promised not to go into the black soup again. Not when you knew what was on the cards for Parker if you didn’t. I’ve given you time, plenty of it. I’ve not even understood why you had to back off, but I let you, all because you promised two Fahnils ago.”

  “My last mission,” Rafer grumbled. “I couldn’t say no. It was too important. They needed my skills, how could I refuse when it was a matter of letting the Barconians breach our airspace? You don’t know me at all if you think I could let that scum into our territory. You remember what they did at the Berzeki Massacre, right?”

  “Of course I remember, and you’re the same stubborn uti as you always were.” Knox shook his head. “What would we have done if you’d died out there, Rafer? Did you even think of that when you were off playing hero?”

  Parker wasn’t sure when the argument had gone off tilt, as it was, she was just intent on listening to the two of them tear at each other’s throats. In all the annals she’d known Knox, she’d seen him raise his voice a handful of times. Mostly with family. Whatever Rafer had done when he’d broken the promise he’d made to his twin, Knox was as furious as she’d ever seen him. Even his skin was mottled with color, almost as though it couldn’t decide which shade would rightfully match his ire.

  “You’d have managed without me.”

  Knox sneered. “Like we’ve been doing all these annals you’ve been playing Action Man?”

  Rafer frowned at that, and Parker inserted quietly, “It’s an Earth toy.”

  Making an exasperated click with his tongue, Rafer retorted, “I had a dec
ision to make, Knox. There were thousands of lives on the line. More than just our three. When you’re in my position, at the top of the tree, you can’t just think about yourself. You can’t just think about the fallout. There’s always collateral damage.”

  “How the fuck can you say that when that collateral damage is Parker? Who the fuck are you, Rafer? What the hell have you done with my twinling?” Knox staggered back, almost as though his words had ripped a hole in his guts as well as his brother’s. He stormed away from the hover chair, and when he was inches away from passing her, paused at her side. She stared at him, wide-eyed, but let him approach. He pressed a kiss to her temple, and murmured, “I’ll be in my office if you want to talk to me.”

  She turned as he continued on his way out of the bedroom, leaving her with the man she really didn’t know at all, but who belonged to her as much as Knox did.

  A heavy silence lay over them like a thick blanket after Knox’s departure. There were questions, thousands of them, on the tip of her tongue, but she knew now wasn’t the time.

  It was telling that Knox had railed at his brother when he was so obviously injured. Considering her mate was nearly always in control, it was no wonder the promise he’d urged Rafer to make concerned her. Only she was capable of making or breaking his control. Not thieving staff, worries over an impending war with the Barconians, or a lull in trade could make him blow up.

  But she could trigger his temper. Every time. That was what came from being a Shuzon’s mate. You were their weakness, their Achilles’ heel. It made them vulnerable, but at the same time, made them strong. The power of love, Parker thought dourly, humming the Frankie Goes To Hollywood tune—one of her grandmother’s favorites—in her head as she stepped toward her bruised second mate.

  She said nothing to Rafer, not because she was sulking but because she didn’t know what to say to him. The man had a direct line to her body, but he hadn’t exactly been easy to get to know. The little she’d learned about him came from Knox, from his memories of their youth together. In total, in all the annals she’d been with Knox, she’d probably spent just the one annal with his twin. Still, she’d thought she’d known who he was. She hadn’t realized he was capable of lying and maintaining a falsehood for so long. She hadn’t known he was a fighter, that he could kill to order.

  What was she supposed to say to a man she knew but whom, at the same time, was a complete stranger?

  She urged the hover chair into moving closer to the bed. When it obeyed, she checked the touch controls and had it flatten out into a stretcher. Rafer groaned as the machine changed position with him in it, moving his sore limbs about in a way that obviously pained him.

  Parker winced at his suffering, but this was the only way to move him without causing him even more agony.

  When he lay flat on his back, she gently nudged the hover chair to the bed and pressed it down so he could lie flat out. No longer hovering, he looked more uncomfortable than he had sitting down.

  “Do you want me to get rid of the hover chair?” she asked quietly.

  “No, I’ve been sleeping on it. It makes it easier for me to move around.” He sucked in a sharp breath when he moved about an inch to the left, obviously trying and failing to get comfortable. Her hands itched to help him, but he would be uncomfortable until he healed. Considering the state of him, God only knew how long that could be.

  It might even be two whole semanals.

  Grimacing at the thought, she murmured, “I’ll leave you to rest,” and started to back away from him.

  Before she could move too far, he grabbed her hand, groaned as the movement rattled him and all of his battered body, and tugged her to a halt.

  “You could have just asked me not to go,” she chided, staying put as he’d silently urged her.

  “It’s hard to remember I’m injured.”

  From his one good eye, she saw a multitude of things, most of which confused her. For a man who had been running away from her for half an Earthling century, he was surprisingly emotive in her presence.

  “Why are you here, Rafer?” she asked, not really understanding why she bothered to make such a query. Not when the recent revelations about his career were still floating around in her head. Still, his reason for being here was suddenly at the forefront of her mind.

  He huffed out a laugh—hell, even that sounded pained—and ruefully murmured, “Where else do you go when you’re ill? Home.”

  Her heart started to pump furiously at that one single word. It was amazing how such an innocuous term could mean so goddamn much. Unsure if he was tugging at her heartstrings, she coolly replied, “I didn’t think you considered this to be your home. It never has been before.”

  “I’ve never almost died before, Parker.” He closed his eyes, then coughed after blowing out a breath. Apparently, it hurt even to breathe. God, what had happened to him? “I’ve never realized what I might have lost by not being with you when I had the chance.”

  “It took an epiphany to make you realize that?” Rather than be impressed, she shook her head in disgust. “I’ve been waiting here for God knows how long, Rafer. Knox, too. Just waiting for you to come around. I mean, Christ, do you even know how much you’ve made me question myself? Made me wonder if the Earthling wasn’t good enough for the Shuzon Monseign?”

  “No,” Rafer yelled. “It was never about that.”

  “Tell that to your mothers, because they told me loud and clear that’s what it was.” She sucked in a breath, knowing she was shouting, and once again knowing this wasn’t the time. “You need to rest, and I need to get out of here before I say something I’ll regret.”

  “Okay, Parker, I understand.” But he didn’t release her hand. “Whatever my mothers said, about it being a superiority thing, it was never that. I made an oath, Parker. A blood oath. Not even for you could I break that.” He sighed, his eyelids fluttering down again. “You’re right. I need to rest. The more sleep I get, the quicker I heal, and the sooner I can get off this damn hover chair.”

  “I’ll check in on you later,” she promised, even as she wondered at his words.

  “Thank you,” he murmured, and from his tone, she knew he was moments away from sleep again.

  A part of her longed to bend over, kiss his cheek, and comb her hand through his silky hair. The part that was still hurting backed off and away, needing space before she made any kind of commitment. Even if that commitment was only affection.

  She left the room quietly, wandered over to one of the sofas, and sank down into its encompassing folds. At this moment in time, she really needed the soothing room to work its magic on her. Shuzons believed that living environments directly affected mood—that certainly hadn’t worked out in the guest room, and she didn’t think the moss green burnished with magnolia coloring in the salon would improve her own.

  Secrets and lies.

  She’d never realized Knox had been withholding so much from her. It made her question what else he’d been hiding, and considering she’d trusted him implicitly until twenty mins ago, that doubt hurt. It hurt a lot.

  Chapter Four

  It was impossible to sit still. Energy flushed through him, and remaining motionless was like asking to breathe outside the hotel’s atmospheric dome. Highly unlikely.

  Rafer was here. Actually here. He’d made contact with his mothers, who’d told him they were unaware of Rafer’s current location—which had come as no real surprise, but he’d had to try anyway. They’d tried to wheedle him out of his annoyance with them, but he was still pissed at their treatment of Parker last Fahnil. Then, almost like he’d put in an order with the universe, Rafer had shown up. Completely out of the blue.

  He hated to see his brother so grievously injured. It hurt him to even know Rafer had been in some kind of starship crash, doing Griljerrd knew what, and his family hadn’t even been contacted to be there, waiting at his bedside when he came ‘round.

  Shuzons were a peace-loving race. They’d merged wi
th the Federation to extend this desire across the galaxy. Something which, with their wealth, large population, and heavy influence on many planets, wasn’t as hard as it sounded. There were more Shuzon ambassadors serving the Federation than any other race, because they always sought peace, and did so in a diplomatic function.

  When Rafer had enlisted with the Fleet, no one had been more shocked than Knox. The Shuzon were not fighters. It wasn’t in them to harm, or cause anyone ill. At twenty-five, realizing his twinling had been hiding a side of himself from Knox had hurt. A lot. It had made him question everything he’d ever known about Rafer, and it made him question his future.

  Shuzon twinlings did not separate in adulthood. They stayed together, lived and worked together, then mated and created a family together.

  Rafer’s choice had ruptured that, because Knox was not a fighter, which meant for the first time in their lives, they’d be alone. That was one of the reasons why Knox had made his decision to let his body bond with Parker’s without asking for Rafer’s permission. Just like Rafer hadn’t asked for Knox’s opinion when he’d enlisted.

  Selfish, maybe, but at least Knox had known Rafer would feel exactly the same way about Parker as he did. Rafer had known the exact opposite when he’d chosen the career he had.

  His twin, with the Shuzon ability to reason, and the previously unrealized need to fight in combat, had naturally risen through the ranks, and at an astonishing rate. Few ever piloted starships, few ever reached the exalted position of a Commander of the Fleet, as had his brother.

  That Rafer was good at what he did was a source of pride to Knox.

  That Rafer had let himself be placed in a situation that could have ended his life tore at Knox’s insides.

  These last few annals, Parker’s health had been deteriorating thanks to Rafer’s absence in her life. He’d told his twin that. Rafer had known that, at some point, he’d have to come home. Knox had just made him promise to keep himself safe, because without him, he didn’t even know how long Parker’s body could withstand Rafer’s absence. Regardless, Rafer had still put Parker’s life in jeopardy. It was that he couldn’t forgive.